#me wwhen i have an indecisive brain

[thevoiceofdesertbluffs]

hi. I don't have many on here this time but hi ::3

[blackwinged-soul]

...i may or may not be kin with blue pearl

i’m still trying to sort a fuckton of emotions over here. but uhhh

wwhen the fuck did THAT nexus connection open up

(--just now as far as I can TELL? bd’s been a deep connection since. uhh...? ..........shortly after That will Be All i’m sure. pre-connective “tissue”feels are there because, duh, a lapis laz’i. not close. but... ....Emotional About It.)

.......and i....

,...i ahve.......

....entirely.... too...... many feelings

right now.

(and i, at the very least am really RELATING to b.pearl for some reason, and i don’t know why.)

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{{ Adding more posts to Keep my Revelations.Journey in Discovering B/lue chronological!

May-Aug 2017 (The Trial, empathy, analysis):

May 29: http://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/161220725682/i-dont-even-know-how-to-talk-about-it-just

I DON;T EVEN KNOW HOW TO *TALK* ABOUT IT

Just! LIKE

The EXPLOSION of POWER.

Did she even MEAN to do that–?! (Like, wishing she’d FEEL it? Or was that an Accident?)

i mean yellow’s look was very reminiscent of a big sister going “another one of these? come on sis we don’t need that”

and she didn’t cry that’s what’s killing me and Creating a Thousand Question MArks here.

i am fucking addicted to learning about the Dimaonds, seriously you have NO idea how i can possibly– how deep it goes– i ahve no diea how to exPLAIN it–

.i just

aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

--

http://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/161221152192

#THERE IT IS THERE'S THE MOMENT THAT FUCKING *SHATTERED* ME INSIDE NAD FROZE EVERYTHING IN MY EXISTENCE, T H E R E   I T   I S, .su wanted, su spoilers, every single fucking frame is just. gods. so... intense.... so emotionally ccharged?????, gah the animation is;;; way too emotion how do they DO that,

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http://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/161223790342/i-think-half-the-reason-i-want-to-rp-blue-is-that

–i think half the reason i want to rp Blue is that analyzing her is an AWFULLY enjoyable thing.

(she’s so expressive? it’s not Hard to know what she’s thinking? or FEELING? And THAT’S where the magic is?)

and it’s so easy ot rELATE to her. like– lapis was exhausting for me to keep up with;; and i don’t know what’s Different about Blue… ;; (…besides being able to Connect more easily, for some reason. I genuinely don’t know Why; I generally don’t Connect with Very Emotional Characters like this… ;;;; )

…but her Current Workings seem clear enough to me.

I learned from trying to rp Lapis that if you don’t know anything, and your Brain / Instincts / Nexus weirdness aren’t giving any Answers, just roll with it. Work with what you DO know.

“Simply avoid Narrating what you Don’t Know About! It’s that easy!”

Aaaand it’ll be HELLUVA lot easier RPing a character when my options are narrowed down. 8F

(…i never get dammed up with writer’s block. I get writer’s FLOOD, and an indecisive ADD brain makes it Impossible to choose Which One to write about. o~o; if i only Know enough to write about one or two things? Well. Bring ‘em on, because I may not be any good at Headcnaon’ing when we have No Substantial Canon to work With on That Particular Subject. But when I’ve got a grain of an idea planted: I can reap an entire motherfucking field.)

--

http://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/161225492797/enlightened-introvert-listen-im-not-even

enlightened-introvert:

Listen, I’m not even kidding here. I had this problem in Steven’s Dream, too. When Blue Diamond makes all the other gems around her cry, I literally almost teared up. I think it’s probably the way the tears are drawn (big and gooey, probably would hurt your eyes) that just affects my empathetic mind, but I like to think that Blue Diamond’s abilities are effective in multiple dimensions.

…so, I’m not the only one.

#look i've got THEORIES and it's no scientific fallacy that multiple dimensions seem to interact.re: theoretical physics and quantum physics., (read: the way molecules at tinier levels than neutrons/eectrons seem to vanish out of existence even with the most acute 'scopes.), also: string theory?

--

ask-all-of-homeworld:

Blue Diamond speaking. Sometimes, do you ever feel like you’re shattered WITH her?

...that's what I've been trying to say.

--

mrgeekonthiswebsite:

Holy shit blue diamond is an empath

#~<33333333333, you have no idea how much my soul fucking SOARS at this honestly.

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JUNE 4 http://beyondthetemples-ooc.tumblr.com/post/161419121347/reasons-i-relate-to-blue-diamond-and-then-some

Reasons I relate to Blue Diamond (and then some):

- Distant presence. - Contemplative. - Melancholy. - Smiles are small and rare. - Watchfulness. Closely, intently. - Intense sense of justice and Right/Wrong. - Driven by loyalty. - Gentle… until you cross that line. - Immediate severity in my treatment of those I distrust. - Righteous FURY when somebody hurts those I love. - NEEDING time to process my emotions. - Prioritizing emotional well-being over productivity. - Closer to my little sisters than anyone else in the family. - …slightly rasping voice? - Draping, slightly-shapely blue clothes. - Poised elegance. - …until something manages to Affect me Emotionally. - And then, I become Obsessed. - Thinking, analyzing, needing to know the “why”. (Yes, it’s NECESSARY.) - We are not DONE until I UNDERSTAND. - I will not choose my RESPONSE until I understand. - Seriously upset when somebody breaks certain “codes”. - VERY upset when plans are changed by impulsivity. - “Can’t you RESTRAIN yourself?” - “Can’t you let me grieve?” (No, I cannot stop feeling.) - I am going to fight you if you tell me to Get Over It. - Feeling guilt over not doing enough, even when there was nothing I could have done. - Deep, pervasive mourning. (I couldn’t stop crying when Fizzy, my familiar, my first dove, my sweetest bird, died because the family neglected to give him water while I was gone. But largely in private, or with close friends.) - Clinging to reminders of that which was loved, and now is lost. - Not generally bitter. But very specific in my objects of fury. - Fury is a cold, sharp, glaring, and focused, controlled type. - E m p a t h y . (Emotional projection, when it hits me too hard…) - Psychic dream-connection to people like me. (I’m sorry…) - My hair even parts slightly similarly? ?? ??? (Middle-part, bangs forward over brow a bit, then curling against the cheekbone before it sweeps back, and comes over my shoulder from a little ways behind it. Not to mention, long and light-colored naturally.)

- What IS the use of feeling? Does it matter? I am.

#and i'm sure i'll think of more. but........ this was the list i came up with tonight. on little more than a whim

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June 7

Fun fact: My hair does the chest-loop thing when I wear my cloak.

(At a different angle. But especially when I move my head– you know, like you do when you’re watching the street for a vehicle you’re relying on for transportation? My hair pulls out form under the neck seam and tends to gather in front of me for some reason/

I used to compare it to a cybunny (from Neopets).

Now I’m just really freaking amused, and thinking if I ever cosplay her, I’ll just do it with a cloak, some light silver hair-spray-paint, and my own freaking hair.